To take my mind off of things and get my shit together I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.
I’ve been working out and eating clean – I’ve lost half a stone. And that has taken up a huge chunk of time by going to the gym and meal prep. I’ve also started drawing again and writing music. I’m teaching myself Swedish. I am working full time, doing an apprenticeship and volunteering as an animal health care assistant at the vets in preparation for my vet nurse training which is due to start in September. On top of this, I’ve started gaming again and I’m trying to see my friends more.
I’m trying to give myself a purpose. I’ve felt a little useless lately, even though my best friend who tells me how great he thinks I am everyday. I still feel totally….. irrelevant?
Things have the potential to be amazing, but are still so out of reach and you can’t make people love or want you. Even witch craft can’t do that. You can want someone so dearly but life gets in the way and some people just aren’t willing to work through it. – or that you’re not worth the effort?¿ I don’t know
But, I’ve realised I’ve not mentioned Millie in a while. She’s doing great, she’s not in work at the moment because I am a little strapped for cash and cannot afford her regumate to make her safe to ride. But she’s more than enjoying her time off. As soon as money gets better, I’ll be back on and training for the show season….. which begins next month.
I’m going to compete at preliminary level this year which is exciting and terrifying. Only one class up from introductory but it has the dreaded gate of canter thrown in.
I’m sure we will be fine. She’s great with throwing the right lead but it’s just the speed I’m concerned for. She looks the part and I’m going to try my best to keep her feathers this year. I’m not 100% sure I like her feathers but I didn’t give them much of a chance when I first got her. I want to see if they complement her movement and paces nicely, if they don’t I’ll clip them off and we can stick to our smart hunter look.
I also have a shopping list for this season
- New riding hat
- New navy show jacket that isn’t a hand me down
- My own boots so my mum and I don’t have to frantically swap in between our classes
- White gloves
It’s gunna cost me a bomb but I wanna look the part and fake it til I make it.
that’s all for now folks
Catch ya laters