To take my mind off of things and get my shit together I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.

I’ve been working out and eating clean – I’ve lost half a stone. And that has taken up a huge chunk of time by going to the gym and meal prep. I’ve also started drawing again and writing music. I’m teaching myself Swedish. I am working full time, doing an apprenticeship and volunteering as an animal health care assistant at the vets in preparation for my vet nurse training which is due to start in September. On top of this, I’ve started gaming again and I’m trying to see my friends more.

I’m trying to give myself a purpose. I’ve felt a little useless lately, even though my best friend who tells me how great he thinks I am everyday. I still feel totally….. irrelevant?

Things have the potential to be amazing, but are still so out of reach and you can’t make people love or want you. Even witch craft can’t do that. You can want someone so dearly but life gets in the way and some people just aren’t willing to work through it. – or that you’re not worth the effort?¿ I don’t know

But, I’ve realised I’ve not mentioned Millie in a while. She’s doing great, she’s not in work at the moment because I am a little strapped for cash and cannot afford her regumate to make her safe to ride. But she’s more than enjoying her time off. As soon as money gets better, I’ll be back on and training for the show season….. which begins next month.

I’m going to compete at preliminary level this year which is exciting and terrifying. Only one class up from introductory but it has the dreaded gate of canter thrown in.

I’m sure we will be fine. She’s great with throwing the right lead but it’s just the speed I’m concerned for. She looks the part and I’m going to try my best to keep her feathers this year. I’m not 100% sure I like her feathers but I didn’t give them much of a chance when I first got her. I want to see if they complement her movement and paces nicely, if they don’t I’ll clip them off and we can stick to our smart hunter look.

I also have a shopping list for this season

  • New riding hat
  • New navy show jacket that isn’t a hand me down
  • My own boots so my mum and I don’t have to frantically swap in between our classes
  • White gloves

It’s gunna cost me a bomb but I wanna look the part and fake it til I make it.

that’s all for now folks

Catch ya laters



I’m back!

In my last post I explained that I was taking a break and some time for myself and I have.

And I feel much better for it, and in all honestly I’ve had a spiritual journey as well. Iv taken up new beliefs which bring peace in my mind and I see things in a totally new light. I ask the gods to give me the power to do things and not ask them to just do it for me. I feel calmer, more powerful and at home now.

There are many types of old pre Cristian religions all derived from didn’t places in history. I feel I fall in the Norse Pagan category but there is still so much to learn. But I might blog about that later.

For all my horsey followers here’s some news! I’ve been competing and placing in dressage in Millie. Yes, my naughty mare who spend her free time putting me on my ass. And here’s the best part

The other day I popped her over a jump.

Look how happy she looks! Her cute little face is just screaming “I LOVE THIS SO MUCH”

I’m looking to enter the last two low key unaffiliated show jumping shows we hold at the yard next month.

So here I am, back, brand new and excited for the future!

Catch ya laters,

Eloise 💕

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten you all, even though the 💕 emoji is moving slowly down my recently used folder cos I’ve not been posting. 

The truth is my head has been so damn jumbled I haven’t known how to get my words out. Or even what to write about. 

Some old memories have come back to haunt me and I’ve been feeling so numb. 

A drastic change has been made to my education because the exam board I’m with is closing due to cuts and my anxiety riddled brain cannot hack it. 

I’ve never been good at balancing lots of things at once. Even the simple things like healthy eating, studying and a social life – yet alone chucking song writing, horse riding and blogging thrown into the mix.

I’ve got an amazing support system and a good future a head of me if all goes to plan so I’ve just gotta focus on that. 

I’ve been reading lots of blog though so I’ve not totally disregarded blogging. Just put it on the back burner until I get myself sorted. 

Watch this space. 

Thanks guys,

Catch ya laters