Mother’s Day: a post for my mother hen

Two blog posts in one day!? Aren’t you lucky?

But this one is special, for a special mum who goes above and beyond for my father and I every damn day given the circumstances.

From practically being a single mum when we lived with my biological father to helping me and helping my navigate my mental health and understanding of it. You’ve been a god send. An angel.

Yes, I have been a total cow to you in the past – even as recently as the last few days. But my anger is only ever vented out to you, never aimed at you. We are so close and I think sometimes you’re the only one who truly understands me. You’re there all for me all the time for you’re bound to see me at my worst so please don’t ever take it personally.

Please don’t kill me for adding photos but I think you are beautiful.

Dad and I could never be able to repay you for what you have done for us – the meals you cook, the mess you tidy up behind us and the laughs you provide. Although we get annoyed at your nagging and …. Urm… irritability at times, it will never out weigh our love and appreciation for you.

Although your clothing choices for me as a kid were questionable you somehow managed to bring me up even when the world was against us. And I know when things go wrong for me like when I cry, get angry or don’t want to leave my room for days you blame yourself. But you are not responsible for the chemical imbalance in my brain. So never again for a second feel like a bad mum. You’re not, you’re an incredible mum.

“Me and my shadow”

I love you, with all my heart. Thank you thank you thank you for all you’ve done.

Happy Mother’s Day




To take my mind off of things and get my shit together I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.

I’ve been working out and eating clean – I’ve lost half a stone. And that has taken up a huge chunk of time by going to the gym and meal prep. I’ve also started drawing again and writing music. I’m teaching myself Swedish. I am working full time, doing an apprenticeship and volunteering as an animal health care assistant at the vets in preparation for my vet nurse training which is due to start in September. On top of this, I’ve started gaming again and I’m trying to see my friends more.

I’m trying to give myself a purpose. I’ve felt a little useless lately, even though my best friend who tells me how great he thinks I am everyday. I still feel totally….. irrelevant?

Things have the potential to be amazing, but are still so out of reach and you can’t make people love or want you. Even witch craft can’t do that. You can want someone so dearly but life gets in the way and some people just aren’t willing to work through it. – or that you’re not worth the effort?Âż I don’t know

But, I’ve realised I’ve not mentioned Millie in a while. She’s doing great, she’s not in work at the moment because I am a little strapped for cash and cannot afford her regumate to make her safe to ride. But she’s more than enjoying her time off. As soon as money gets better, I’ll be back on and training for the show season….. which begins next month.

I’m going to compete at preliminary level this year which is exciting and terrifying. Only one class up from introductory but it has the dreaded gate of canter thrown in.

I’m sure we will be fine. She’s great with throwing the right lead but it’s just the speed I’m concerned for. She looks the part and I’m going to try my best to keep her feathers this year. I’m not 100% sure I like her feathers but I didn’t give them much of a chance when I first got her. I want to see if they complement her movement and paces nicely, if they don’t I’ll clip them off and we can stick to our smart hunter look.

I also have a shopping list for this season

  • New riding hat
  • New navy show jacket that isn’t a hand me down
  • My own boots so my mum and I don’t have to frantically swap in between our classes
  • White gloves

It’s gunna cost me a bomb but I wanna look the part and fake it til I make it.

that’s all for now folks

Catch ya laters


Getting my sh*t together – a self analysis

Like the family dog getting under your feet when you’re trying to move a hot pan from one side of the kitchen to the other – life really got in the way.

Losing track of what’s important, what I want and what makes me happy, I almost lost my mind a couple of months ago.

I’d slipped into a unfulfilling routine of work, sit around and do nothing, work, sit around and do nothing. Sitting around and doing nothing when there was so much I wanted and needed to do.

So I cut ties with people who didn’t encourage or support me in my dreams and turned my attentions to people who do.

I’m due to finish my equine management course in May. And, in September, I’ll be starting a vet nursing course *fingers crossed I get accepted at both college and placement*

My friends tell me I’m smashing this whole self love and growth thing but I feel like I’m behind where I want to be. I used to be incredibly laid back, to the point where I was awarded “most laid back” when I left high school. But now I’m a neurotic, over thinking ……. s t r e s s h e a d. And I know I’m being irrational but I simply cannot stop.

Maybe it’s down to bitter relationship breakdowns – both platonic and romantic – or maybe it’s just the way I am. I don’t know. But it needs to be addressed. It damages the few good relationships I have left. And one I’ve only just started.

On paper, my careers in both my work and with my horses looks promising this year. If my stressful tendencies damage the support systems around me, I won’t get very far.

Writing this blog made me happy when I did it, so here it goes again.

It won’t all be this dull and serious.

Catch ya laters,


Little ducker

Recently, as I said in my last post, I’ve finally mustered up the courage to jump Millie.

She LOVES jumping and in the pictures I’d take of our first session she looked so happy and eager to please.

But she’s a mare.

Opinionated and intelligent she decided by the second session that jumping properly like a good girl was so boring.

My first session I set up one jump, just to see how she jumps and take my aids. She was a super star.

So next time I set up two so we would jump one and circle around to the other. Due to the weather and some loading issues with Norman, my mums horse, the three days prior to this she hadn’t been worked.

She was wired. And another girl was riding her horse in the school too. So I was nervous. I always think people are judging us.

Millie ducked out at almost every time in canter. So I’d send her round to blow off some steam and try again. She’d duck out, I’d repeat and so on.

So thinking the girl who was in the school with me was getting annoyed with us dashing around at speed I was expecting to lose this battle.

But she sent her horse over the jump to see if Millie would follow and when she ducked out she stood her horse to the right where she ducked out. I thought Millie would see her as a barrier and clear it fine but this is Millie I’m talking about her.

Millie saw a small gap between the jump and the other horses head less than a foot wide and ducked and shoot through. And the other horse stood it’s ground as good as gold for me to try again. Not a single spook. She just moved her head. So the next time the girl explained because Millie ducks out to the right I should aim her towards the left wing. So I did, and it worked – with a little hesitation. So we tried again without the barrier and she jumped fine.

So I want to thank her and her horse, and if she reads this she’ll know who she is

Thanks again chick

Catch ya laters


Norman is ulcer free

I’ve recently mentioned that my mums Andalusian, Norman had stomach ulcers

A week ago he was re scanned and it all came back clear!

Norman hates loading and refuses to load, so the vets came to us. He has to be staves for over 12 hours before the scan. Last time when he loaded and we took him to the vets, his stomach was empty because the stress of being on the trailer made everything pass through quickly. This time, as he was scanned at home, he wasn’t stressed so even after 12 hours plus – he had bits of food in there!

But nothing we couldn’t wash away (yep, we WASHED the inside of his belly)

Here are some vids

Here a vid of the view on the way out through his nose

If you wanna know more about ulcers – check out my other blog post

Catch ya laters


I’m back!

In my last post I explained that I was taking a break and some time for myself and I have.

And I feel much better for it, and in all honestly I’ve had a spiritual journey as well. Iv taken up new beliefs which bring peace in my mind and I see things in a totally new light. I ask the gods to give me the power to do things and not ask them to just do it for me. I feel calmer, more powerful and at home now.

There are many types of old pre Cristian religions all derived from didn’t places in history. I feel I fall in the Norse Pagan category but there is still so much to learn. But I might blog about that later.

For all my horsey followers here’s some news! I’ve been competing and placing in dressage in Millie. Yes, my naughty mare who spend her free time putting me on my ass. And here’s the best part

The other day I popped her over a jump.

Look how happy she looks! Her cute little face is just screaming “I LOVE THIS SO MUCH”

I’m looking to enter the last two low key unaffiliated show jumping shows we hold at the yard next month.

So here I am, back, brand new and excited for the future!

Catch ya laters,

Eloise đź’•

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten you all, even though the đź’• emoji is moving slowly down my recently used folder cos I’ve not been posting. 

The truth is my head has been so damn jumbled I haven’t known how to get my words out. Or even what to write about. 

Some old memories have come back to haunt me and I’ve been feeling so numb. 

A drastic change has been made to my education because the exam board I’m with is closing due to cuts and my anxiety riddled brain cannot hack it. 

I’ve never been good at balancing lots of things at once. Even the simple things like healthy eating, studying and a social life – yet alone chucking song writing, horse riding and blogging thrown into the mix.

I’ve got an amazing support system and a good future a head of me if all goes to plan so I’ve just gotta focus on that. 

I’ve been reading lots of blog though so I’ve not totally disregarded blogging. Just put it on the back burner until I get myself sorted. 

Watch this space. 

Thanks guys,

Catch ya laters


Show time! In pictures

I’ve not been active at all this week I’ve been totally overwhelmed with work, vets and being super sleepy.

As you all know I competed last week on my Millie and Zimmy, one of our liveries. 

We had an awesome photographer there as well –Equine photography by Daisy – she also edits, mounts and even puts your picture on a canvas or keyring! Her page is fairly new so do give it a like to watch her progress and find out about horsey events she’s at! 

As I mentioned in my blog posts about the show and my lazy riding that Zimmy and I haven’t been going so well lately but my naughty, hormonal Millie was outstanding with 61.52% on our first ever test/show. Considering she has thrown me off so many times in the past few months to a year, with multiple falls in one thirty minutes session and one time through a wooden fence I think that’s fantastic. 

First up her are some picture of Zimmy and I: 

Just as tense as each other

I love photos in canter, they look so graceful but we know how much work it takes to keep you bum where it should be. Photos like these are a lot like looking at a swan – so peaceful above the surface but underneath they’re working overtime. 

I love show shot of Zimmy. (But how uneven are my hands!!!) 

Free walk on a LONG rein – not a loose rein next time.

Obviously these are taken on different tests. But it’s the best part of every test ….. the end. 

Got my game face on! Zimmy? Not so much. 

Breathing and relaxing for the first time since the test started. Every competitor can relate. 

Now for Millie and I: 

Doesn’t she shine!? 

Not round but still pretty. 

So excited for the next show! To improve and get better score. Looking at photos is always good to make little tweaks to your riding and position. But ever since my post from my first ever show. The nerves are still overwhelming! 

Catch you laters, 


Back seat driving

Recently my riding ability has rocketed, with a mare full of tantrums I’m getting to the point where I can handle almost anything a horse throws at me. But I never realised how lazy I had gotten. And how much of the basics I’d forgotten.

After an abismal performance on my part at the dressage this weekend I asked my boss for a tidy up lesson. I had gotten sloppy, wiggly and tense. 

I ride zimmy, a full livery at work, at least four times a week. She is had work and extremely bendy, which I know is most riders dream, but she is like an eel and loves to use it the her advantage. Getting an outline on Zimmy recently has been near on impossible for me.

 Somewhere in practising my tests I’d forgetten to use my legs not just for going forward. And my lesson today made me realise that my laziness had made me a parasite. 

But at least I admit it, it is a hard to admit because horses are delicate and riding them harshly is cruel but it happens and no long term damage is caused if it’s sorted quickly. We all pick up bad habits and good horsemen/horsewomen will take comments as an opportunity to grow and develop as a rider. 

For me my problem is coordinating my legs and hands, I can’t push a horse into the hand whilst making little tweaks in the mouth and vise versa it has to be one or the other. My boss told me to tap left, right, left, right, left with my leg as I give and take left, right, left, right, left with the reins. It sounds so simple and god knows what I was trying to do before, but doing two things with different body parts on differnet sides of the body at different times is near on impossible. My hands on circles are also appalling I try to give and take with both reins and Zimmy just sticks her shoulder out and he neck becomes rigid. To stop this, my boss said to block her with the outside rein and give and take with the inside to push her straight along with constant tap tap taps of the leg to keep her bending nicely. AGAIN, ITS SO DAMN SIMPLE. This whole time I’d just been forcing her into a false hollow outline which she just fell out of just as quickly as I pulled her into it. 

As I say we all pick up habits and we all need them tidied up from time to time. I hadnt had a flatwork lesson for a long time before today so I knew I was going to be torn to shreds. 

But hey, everyday is a school day and I feel so much better for it! 

Catch you laters,


Show time!: Cloud nine 

This weekend we had another show at the farm. 

Again I competed on my noble stead Zimmocha, but she wasn’t feeling it this weekend. She decided on the Saturday that it was too windy and she really didn’t like the flower pots around the arena and had other plans when it came to cantering KEH and sort of went KEGHA and we placed 3rd…….. Out of three. But I’m not angry or disappointed, she just wasn’t feeling it. On the Sunday however, I was just so tense from the test before that it showed in my riding. We placed 6th… But I’m just chuffed that the rosette is pink! 

But the real star girl this weekend was my gorgeous bay. Millie. Yes, Millie as in the hormonal, fence destroying, bronking moody mare. 

We won. 

I know, I’m on cloud nine. 

Without thinking I tacked her up as normal and headed over to the warm up arena and was stopped by my boss who told me I couldn’t ride in a pelum and martingale. (I had no idea, all I wanna do is jump) And I broke down, I was a mess. But I feel if I knew this before hand I wouldn’t have even entered. The shock in the sudden change of bit obviously took Millie by surprise as she didn’t yank my arms out!! She offered me a natural outline, which I wasn’t expecting so I didn’t hold he in it – so a lot of the comment mentioned her being quite hollow. But the judges overall comments started with “lots to like” which I am so incredibly happy with. 

Moving forward we start Millie’s hormone therapy today, which means we can build on these skills and our 61.52%. Not bad for our first ever show hey? 

Catch you laters